Forgotten...

FORGOTTEN

Master of the universes,

Creator of life,

Annihilator of existences,

Dominator of Time,

Me, one-tenth of a speck,

Part of a particle…

So much to hold, so much to look after,

So many to support, so many to sustain,

Life and death and the food chain,

Good and bad, karma and payback,

Vice and virtue, offense and defense,

So much to rectify, so much to begin…

The leaves that fall, all at Your Will,

The flowers that germinates, awaiting Your Command,

The birds that sing, the creatures that cackle,

The mountains and trees, the valleys and spring,

The streams and brooks, the glaciers that melt,

So much to beautify, so much to begin…

The courses of Nature, the discourse of beings,

The families that break, the ties that bind,

The bonds that don’t break, others that don’t stand the test of time,

The love and the hatred, the unifications and separations,

The greetings and receptions, the goodbyes and farewell,

So much to oversee, so much to begin…

The storms and eruptions, the thunder and rain,

The lives lost, the endless pain,

The war and famine, starvation and infanticide,

The blood and hunger, the greed and lust to survive,

The diseases and plagues, the countries that disintegrate,

So much to look after, so much to take in…

Maybe I’m forgotten, elapsed into oblivion,

Someplace far-flung, the abyss of discount,

From where I’m unheard and unseen,

Living with false hope, under stagnant ashen clouds,

Me, one-tenth of a speck,

Part of a particle…

Life on Earth

Life on Earth

We always do that-that thing, when we’re in the middle of an argument or if we see something violent or atrocious, we immediately start comparing that person to an animal. I’ve heard things like, “Oh! You’re such a dog!” or “How can somebody do that? Is he an animal?” Never for once thinking that we also consider a dog as a man’s best friend or that an animal does not dictate a human beings behavior or thought processes. We were given brains and are placed at the apex of the intelligence chart NOT to blame animals if we did something erroneous. Before you start thinking that this is yet another speech on animal cruelty let me clear it up for you-it’s not. Neither am I trying to get you to give up meat, I am a non-vegetarian myself, that’s how the frigging food chain goes. What you are reading is just a bunch of incidents that I have seen and observations that I have made. After all, it was the Father of our Nation, Mahatma Gandhi who said, that, “The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.”

                 Just saw the news a couple of days ago, where I came across this piece about how the poachers in our country were killing the tigers for their skins. They were caught, but considering the lax laws of our country, I bet they would be on the streets in no time back to doing what they do best. Astonishing fact that the news lady with the caked face said was that since there are already less number of tigers left in the country, we might have to import tigers like we import cheetahs… WE IMPORT CHEETAHS??? How did that happen? Then there was the news of a crocodile being found in the gutters of one of our suburbs and a leopard that entered a housing complex. And there were interviews of visibly stressed residents who were overcrowding the camera man trying to give their best versions of what would make for a very thrilling story to tell the kids in the years to follow. Never for once did anyone mention the fact that it wasn’t the animals that were invading our space but the other way round. How many of the new breed of towers and skyscrapers are being built on forested areas or stagnant water creeks? The crocodile had to come in our sewers because it was testing the waters or the leopard came into the building because it wanted to play board games with the families.

                Then there was something much closer to home, literally. A 5 yr-old kid sitting on a white horse, waving her hands in the air in glee, her parents watching as she kept circling the lane and the horse keeper tugged on the horse’s reins and directed it back to its holding spot. Except that the horse was not a horse but a pony. A frail looking exhausted pony that was being used as an entertaining way of outdoor excursion by us. Or another incident involving a kitten that was run over by a fast speeding car and the worst part was that the kitten was stuck in the middle of the road, breathing its last few breaths, hurt with a broken foot that made it impossible to move. I was out on an errand and when I saw it, picked it up and placed it on the far side of the road in the corner where it would be safe or I thought so, because when I came back I saw it lying still, not moving, and not breathing.

So I’d like to conclude with a quote from the man who invented light bulbs for you to ponder over:

“Non-violence leads to the highest ethics, which is the goal of all evolution. Until we stop harming all other living beings, we are still savages.” - Thomas A. Edison

Farewell to Goodbye

Recently, I had to deal with a lot of goodbyes. A few of my family members had to go away on an unplanned and unexpected trip to meet a relative who was unwell. When they were leaving we were obviously all teary-eyed and were sad at this turn of events. The goodbyes were difficult and that got me thinking of all the goodbyes that were a part of my life. There are different kinds of goodbyes. And they arise due to different reasons too-distance, time, and death to name a few. Sometimes when you bid someone/something farewell, you are glad, relieved that you are past it.  Sometimes you say goodbye to someone you’ve met only for a minute or two, just an acquaintance, doesn’t hurt much. It hurts when you have to say goodbye to someone even though you don’t want to. They could be anyone, close friends, family, a lover, a husband, or someone special. In my case, one of the hardest goodbyes for me has been to some of my dearest friends. I had to move, unfortunately, and it was all so fast. In one day, everything changed. One morning I woke up happy and then the same evening I was crying my eyes out because I knew what I was leaving behind was something that could never be replaced. Such good, kind-hearted people whom I had in my life for a while as friends were irreplaceable. Today everyone has a motive, an agenda, or a need to fulfill if they have any sort of a relationship with you. To find someone who loves you and cares for you selflessly is almost impossible and if you do find them, letting them go is unimaginably excruciating. No matter where I went, what I did, that hole of pain and loneliness was always there in my heart. For a really long time I was depressed. It healed, though not completely, but it did.

Another form of goodbye and the one that hurts the most is when you don’t know that that is the last time that you are meeting someone; you don’t even get to say a proper goodbye. Someone that you’ve known for years, have grown up together, loved immensely, just gone out of your life in an instant. Relationship severed in just a matter of a few minutes. Unwittingly, a bond based on values of love, trust, care, and affection broken never to be mended again. What hurts more in this scenario is that you don’t remember what your last words to that person was. Was it something good or an angry rant? What if you had said something that you wish you could take back or something that they said that they sometimes maybe regret? When you think of such goodbyes, you feel really disheartened. If there was something that you wanted to say to them, something that you had kept in your heart for a long time, something that could’ve surely changed the equation you shared with them for good and things went haywire before you even had the chance to say those words. That is the most agonizing of all situations.

Rules For Happiness

‘Rules for Happiness:

“Something to do,

 Someone to love,

 Something to hope for…” – Immanuel Kant’

              I came across this quote a few days ago & I really liked it. It’s so simple and easy to understand, but these lines speak volumes. I try to follow it (have been following them my whole life) as far as possible. I was never one of those people who always got what they wanted on tap. I am not being ungrateful when I say this but I kind of wish that I was like those people, you know, who get what they want just by saying it. That not being the case, I learnt to live with it. Like animals adapt to their surroundings and available resources. Always cautious what or who I liked and wanted, which were affordable (emotionally) or which were more feasible to achieve and never and I mean NEVER expect anything from anyone, even me, but I am still learning to follow that last part about expectations.

              So when I read these lines I really felt as if they described me, like I am, most of the time. There are a whole bunch of things that are wrong and unfair in my life. Ant the words, “problems” or “difficulties” opens up a Pandora’s Box. But I try to avoid dwelling on them as far as possible. I don’t like thinking about them, it makes me sad so I try to find reasons or rather make excuses to be happy.

Something to Do:

Little things that cheer me up, I’m glad that I have that quality in me, just like my mom, to find ways to be happy. Like bird-watching, standing at the window and gazing at the fresh green of the new leaves, just because it’s so soothing, looking at the blue sky, savoring it with my eyes, smiling and actually greeting the cats in my apartment building, cracking a silly joke or passing a funny remark when with friends, clicking pictures, LOTS of pictures, of random things, of food, of the moon, of the sun’s rays filtering through the giant almond tree in my lane, of all other things, reminiscing about the days gone by, but only the good parts.

Someone to Love:

Yeah I loved someone, still do, even though he’s not mine and he’s changed in ways I never could have imagined, but I love him alright. I’m not sloppy or an emotional fool but I can’t force myself to stop loving him. Those who have gone through the pain of unrequited love will agree with me on this. It’s just the way it is, I tried but he’s everywhere. I don’t even remember how old I was when I started falling for him and with time these feelings just intensified and I think they’ll be with me till my last breath.

Something to Hope For:

I said earlier I’m a little weak and still a newbie when it comes to handling or rather avoiding hopes and expectations. I’ve tried a million times to NOT keep hoping or expecting things from others and me but to no avail. I keep that things as they are now will change. Things will get better for me and my family. Old relationships that are severed and lost will heal again. And I never say this out loud, but I secretly hope that I’ll find someone in my life that I love and who love me back the same way, someone who I can wrap my arms around, someone whose all mine, someone who will understand me, someone who will want me…

                So I follow all the three rules of happiness, am I happy? Well, I’m on the way of happiness…

Idle Moments

  ONE FINE AFTERNOON

So there I was standing at my window, looking out at the vast vegetation in front of me. It constitutes one out of the two advantages that moving to this awful place has offered me. The first advantage as mentioned above comes for free; as it is a part of the place I live in. Actually, I wasn’t planning on being near my window in the first place, it just sort of happened. I was fidgeting with my cell phone when I heard a noise outside. It was the sound of water gushing down from somewhere. Curious, I rushed to the window to find out the cause. It was simple enough. The water from my building’s water storage tank was overflowing. The watchman, careless as he is, had forgotten to turn off the valve. If you or someone else had been there to look at it, you would have cursed the watchman for wasting so much water and would have resumed what you were doing before. I thought of the same thing myself but that thought soon swept away and then a new one replaced it. I saw something else.

To understand what I saw, I’ll first have to explain the geography of my house to you. My house has two sets of windows that open on the north as well as the south. The window on the north opens to show you the common playground of the society (how shabbily it is maintained actually) and the window on the south side gives you a beautiful view of luscious greenery that forms a part of the place where I reside. The many and various trees have thankfully not been chopped down by the Municipal Corporation to build another boring and humungous structure for more people to crowd in. It is really a breathtaking view from here. Guests that come at my place often marvel at the sight of it and envy me for having such a soothing piece of nature right in front of my eyes.

I didn’t see the wastage of water due to the irresponsibility of one man. I saw this: millions of droplets of water entwined in one another forming strings of coolness gushing down from a great height of four floors, in one singular motion, together, to quench the thirst of the blazing-in-the-afternoon-sun hot earth. The drops fell on the ground, slowly at first, then gradually increasing with speed, forming a large pool of water in which more and more drops of freshness kept gushing. As they did, the new droplets first collided with the surface of the pool and then bounced off it, finally assimilating in the amorphous liquid nirvana. The sun was its fiery self as always and the water, being enveloped by its intensity, was glistening. The huge and scorching ball of fire made the tiny droplets look like diamonds-uncut, shining, polished, sublime diamonds of nature. They made little ripples here and there in the water. I don’t know what it was but I just felt really happy as I stood there gazing at it. The wind suddenly whooshed past me and the trees, the leaves, the wild shrubs, the grass, the whole wide expanse of green in front of me started swaying. I don’t know, maybe I am crazy, but I really thought that these little traces of nature around me were communicating with each other. The water continued to overflow. The droplets chimed into the temporary river beneath them. Then I noticed that these were the only sounds around me. No cars honking, no speakers blaring, no neighbors yelling. It was just the sound of nature. The atmosphere was calm, peaceful and serene. It was perfect. It was just one of those rare moments when you are in commune with His Creation. I was lost in the tranquility of the moment.

I was so engrossed in my own little world that I almost didn’t hear the man walking his two dogs on the building grounds below yell at the watchman, "Turn it off! The water’s overflowing!" and then he resumed his dog-walking. A few minutes later I saw that the water flow had started reducing. Little by little, the droplets reduced, first in intensity and then in number. Its amazing pattering sound on the ground was beginning to vanish. The trees had long stopped whooshing with the wind. And finally the mad gushing of the water too stopped and the sound fainted and then ultimately disappeared altogether leaving the stagnant and once lively body of droplets alone.

Bittersweet Symphony

Today is a big day, a much bigger occasion. I remember days like this one had a pre-decided time-table, where we got up early and finished our basic chores and set out to meet our loved ones and the day would go by in a jiffy. We used to sit down and have a big lunch together (so late in the afternoon that it left no room in our bellies for dinner). Laugh at the most silliest of things, pull each other’s leg and then finally, late at night, go back to our usual autonomous lives bound by duties and responsibilities, but always looking forward to another holiday or occasion.

Things are VERY different now. This is where I try to remember the ‘actual’ meaning of loved ones. All my life, they had the same meaning in my dictionary, people who stand by you no matter what, who love you no matter what.

But I was living in a world which was too simple, not factoring time. Relationships that can stand the test of time are the ones that are really true. There were days when we were separated by long distances and it never mattered. Now I could reach there in less than an hour ‘physically’ but ‘mentally’ we are so, so, so far away that we can never cover that distance. I guess time has a way of showing us who actually cares about us and who doesn’t, though the method can be harsh.

The people, who were once so thick, now do not even look at each other’s faces. And even if they do glance at each other, their eyes are so vacant, it haunts me. Gone are the days when relishing a simple home-cooked meal together was fun, now they won’t even sit at the same table. People who never got enough of each other now turn their backs towards those memories. They try meticulously not to cross each other’s paths but if they ever do come across each other, they steer clear of the other’s shadow.

Now I wonder, or rather try to comprehend the word ‘loved ones’. But the next instant, I think, then, what was that? Who were they? What were those times I used to dwell in? Do they ever remember all this? Do they ever reminisce all that? Do they ever cry about it in a corner of their house, quietly, lest someone see them shedding those silly tears? Do they ever miss it, talk about it or rather BLOG about it?

Today is a big day; yes indeed a bigger occasion and a much bigger, humungous realization that I am alone…