Saturday, 30 August 2014 5 comments

Have I Told You Lately...

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda. 

Image: Copyright Protected

Hello my heart, my core, my old friend. 

Muscle of endurance
Pumping life in my veins
Reason for my being
Edifice of vivacity
A child at play
Erudite at times
Temple of philosophy
Displaying surprising naïveté
Shenanigans galore
There you go running into trouble again
Innumerable times
Have you been broken
Still you refrain to grasp 
The self centred core of the other's whole
Devoid from logic
You tread on a dangerous path
Looking for shadows long gone
Searching for things never to be found
Intent on recklessness
When will you learn? 
Ages of anguish
Lust for peace
Quest for the truth
Desire to be loved
Eager to be seen
Packing bouts of hope
Object of marvel, worthy of awe
Rebel for life
A shield that protects 
A vow of the soul... 


Friday, 15 August 2014 3 comments

At The Stroke of Midnight

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda. 


Image: Copyright Protected

Somewhere between the overly sensationalised bytes of the newsreader and the innumerable tv commercials, I fell asleep. I was so tired I couldn't muster up the strength to drag myself to my bed as the first faint whisperings of my deep slumber started making their presence felt. So I dozed off on the couch with the TV still on and it's low sounds stirring me from my repose occasionally.

It must have been around 11:45 pm when I first heard it.

A slight sound.

A hum? No.

This was more than that. That sound roused me from my slumber like a mother does when waking her child. At first I couldn't comprehend it and my half asleep state prevented it further.

A few seconds later I realized that my house was echoing with a woman's sobs. I got up with a start. Grabbing my cell phone off the table in front of me I checked the time.

11:47 pm

I froze as it hit me that the sobbing sounds were emanating not too far from me. A spot on the wall right in front of me seemed to be the source. On rubbing my eyes a few times I could see a woman sitting there. She wasn't entirely visible to me in the dim light that glowed from the night lamp beside the couch.

I could make out a woman who may have been in her sixties, the luminance of her long white sari, her dark hair flowing endlessly to the ground where I assumed her feet would be.

It was something about her. Or the way she sat in front of me. Or the vibes she radiated. I knew who she was. But I couldn't bring myself to believe it.

"You... I... You're..?" was all I could manage.

"I am her. The spirit of the land you dwell on. The soil on which you lay your forehead in reverence. The embodiment of The Mother who has looked after you. I am India," and those words resounded in the small space of my room, my world.

Her words stifled by her sobs now and then.

"We're free!" I exclaimed in a whisper in a bid to stop her from crying.

"68 years," I sighed still hazy on what I thought I was seeing.

She was silent. I thought she would say something about it. All these years. The era before Independence. The taste of freedom.

"68 years and we are yet to be free," she uttered.

As if on cue, my attention diverted to the TV screen where a recent rape case was making headlines. Gruesome details about how the incident took place coloured the ticker space. The news anchor kept badgering the viewer with this sensitive piece of news.

I quickly found the remote and shut it off.
Instinctively, my eyes alighted on the newspaper that lay within my reach that had another rape case headlining its front page wedged between another old case, whose unsatisfactory court ruling had left the public enraged, and a full page size advertisement of a new product launch.
I quickly picked up the newspaper and folded it neatly before placing it under the table.

"You think placing it under the table or switching off the TV will make it go away?" she asked and slowly crept out of the spot where she sat and came towards me.

It was then that I saw her completely.

Her once beautiful face was badly battered. Her lower lip swollen and her right eye tainted by a nasty bruise. Her forehead a zoo of gashes and scabs. The rest of what was visible of her was either bleeding or covered in wounds some healing - some fresh as new. Her sari was tainted by spots of blood everywhere.

I stood up with a gasp.

I don't know how. I don't know when.

But my eyes started watering.

And I didn't realise that I was crying until I tasted my own salty tears as they made their way to my lips.

I saw her and it all flashed before my eyes. The many times I have been scared to venture out all alone at night. The many times I have been compelled to doubt the intentions of the stranger beside me as I travel in broad daylight, the many times my eyes rest on a piece of black and white lettering forming a news article in the paper about some incident of abuse, the many times I hear about the guilty being acquitted, the laws that continue to fail us, the promises made after the end of every five years and how little they are implemented.

And then I remembered the helpless parents. Their faces. The empty holes that their lives remain in the aftermath. Their hopes.

My legs turned to jelly as I pooled on the floor crying. My weak body bent towards her as me head rested on her lap.

And I cried.
Like I had incurred the biggest of losses.

I wailed.
Like I had nowhere to go to.

I howled.
Like it suddenly dawned on me that this was not what India had dreamt of when she became 'free.'

My eyes fluttered open and I realised I had been dreaming. I woke up and searched for her where she had sat but she was nowhere to be found. The only tangible proof was the cushion on the couch that was now soaked in tears.

I looked up at the TV which was still running. It was 12:12 am and the news channels were telecasting the Independence Day specials. Words from Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru's midnight speech were being aired.

"At the stroke of midnight hour, when the world sleeps, India will awake to life and freedom..."
"...We have to build the noble mansion of free India where all her children may dwell."

A fresh bout of tears erupted as I sat on the couch my head hanging low.




Friday, 8 August 2014 7 comments

Love Will Turn Back The Hands of Time...

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.  



5 year old kids. 

Hands filled with dirt. Nails caked with soil. Clothes with patches of mud. 
Scraped knees. 
The pockets of his shorts weighed down by marbles. 
A tiny edge of her lemon yellow frock balled up in her fists to hide that portion of it that was tattered while climbing the rocks by the sea. 
Mouths - a constant chatter. Eyes - a mirror, a virtuous doorway to two innocent souls. Words spoken - building castles in the air, puerile, careless, painting a comic book world of red and blue. 
Their naive tones dripping with the kind of carefreeness that those not belonging to their magical realm of age crave. 
Not wanting to go further. 
Not wanting to grow up. 
Wedged in this nook of imagined timelessness. 
The purest kind of love in this uncorrupted impasse. 


5 year olds no more. 
Limbs all perfectly fine. 
Clothes tailored to follow the immaculate code of banality. No speck of dirt visible. 
But there's darkness in the heart. 
No scraped knees. But bruised egos. 
Lips zipped up shut tight. Lest they say what they really feel like saying. 
Their eyes a pair of glassy lances - regarding each other with cluelessness interspersed with contempt. 
The innocence disappeared like a myth. 
All that leaves the lips are stone cold terse sentences. 
No child like narrative alive with mirth. 
Facts. 
Assertions. 
Declarations. 
Fallen into that inevitable abyss where all adults reluctantly retire. 
All grown up and yet thirsting for those carefree bokeh draped Sundays. 
Sanctity no more. 
Love... 
Love?


She broods over the same thing he does. 
How did we get here? 
What if we could go back? Get a second chance? Rewrite what has already been written? Undo all that wasn't meant to be said? Erase the gunk of all the years? A do over?

Can we go back to how we were?


Wishful thinking. 
Sunday, 3 August 2014 1 comments

And It Rained That Night

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

Image: Copyright Protected

It was gloomy outside. Grey clouds stagnant overhead though it was surprisingly and reasonably windy.

It had been a month since it had rained. It seemed that the ashen clouds were playing a merciless game of tease with the gullible and cautiously hopeful people everywhere.

Inside one of the edifices on the edge of a sleepy town on this dreary day were holed up two people. Two unfortunate people.

"What about this? Is this important?" she asked looking at the worn out title of a dusty old book as she held it out.

"It could be," he said from the far corner of the room.

Their eyes met as he walked towards her.

He took the book from her hands deliberately grazing the pad of his thumb against the exposed part of her palm that held it.

She looked up at him for a millisecond before resuming scouring through the pile of books in front of her.

She shifted and straightened her back as she felt him sit beside her.

There he sat in that cramped up space amidst the old books close to her.

Too close, she thought.

"Have you looked through all the volumes there?" she asked hoping to get him back in the other corner of the room.

"Yes," he said breathing an adamant sigh as he revelled at being perched beside her.

She tried to ignore the undercurrent vibes his curt replies carried as she busied herself with other books. She turned herself so she now sat with her back against him. It was better because she didn't have to look into his eyes now.

If she gazed into them too long then she would be in trouble.

Lot of trouble.

A few minutes later she remembered something crucial to their search as she flipped the pages of a book in her lap. Her eyes still focused on that page, her other hand reached out beside her, fumbling for a book she had just perused.

In one of those unbelievable stroke of coincidences her hand fell on his as they reached out for the same book.

At the same time.

Their fingers intertwined for a few meagre seconds before she jerked her hand back.

"Why do you do that?" he asked  dropping his voice to almost a whisper.

"What?" she feigned ignorance.

"Whenever I look at you, you look away, whenever our hands brush you... It's as if you don't... When you know that there is something... Between us," his words flowed in a rush as if a carefully built dam broke.

Still her back to him she hung her head low thinking of something to say.

He had given up hope of getting a response from her when she spoke slowly.

"Why do you keep on doing it then? Pushing me. Deliberately?"

"Because I know that you know. And I know that you like it," he said as he ran his fingers through her long hair, touching the tips of the strands that curled at the base, ever so slowly.

"You intrigue me," he breathed.

"And that scares me," she uttered as her heart fluttered at his touch.

"Why?" his hand stopped.

"Because people are only interested in intriguing things as long as it intrigues them. Have you ever seen somebody hold onto a puzzle after they have solved it?" she quizzed him.

"What if someone never thought of them as a puzzle in the first place? What if it was always more than that?" he answered.

She was silent.

"There is something. Amidst us. Around us. It envelopes us. I know it. I see it," he said.

"I know. I feel it too. It is so strong and potent. Like a scent that refuses to wear off," she said.
"But we do nothing," she continued.

At this he fell silent.

"The thing is - we both are quite the same. You are just as twisted as I am. I am just as broken as you are," she propounded.

"How does that help?" he asked, now touching her arm coaxing her to turn around.

She did.

"It is an endless cycle of pain. We try to fool ourselves into thinking that we can be happy. But we won't. Pretty soon we would be just like any other two people out there. Keeping secrets. Hiding. The lies. Worse. It would be like holding our breaths to see which one of us falls first. Which one of us hurts the other first," her voice trailed as she got lost in his eyes.

He raised his hand to touch her cheek.

"I've seen it too. You're not the only one who has you know. I am a sceptic just like you waiting to be proved wrong. We all are," he said as his thumb caresses her lips.

"You would hurt me. We would hurt each other," she whispered.

"It is inevitable," he said.

She saw the shadows underneath his eyes and the years of gloom that they hid.

She wished she could kiss them away.

"I would be in a lot of trouble if I act on my impulses," she said, her voice barely a whisper now as she felt the lascivious warmth that penetrated her where his fingers came in contact with her skin.

"We both would be in a lot of trouble," he said as his eyes burned an unknown color. She would never forget their intensity for as long as she was alive.

And just like that the place where his fingers were became vacant. Leaving a void. A cold draft touched her face bringing her back to reality. The warmth was no more.

His fingers ached at the loss of contact. He ached to feel her skin again. He dove into the pile of books once more.

That evening, the heavens above saw two people coming back from a sleepy old town. Quite on the outside. Tattered from within. Not speaking a word to each other they resumed their respective paths.

And it rained that night.


Friday, 25 July 2014 3 comments

Manners Maketh Man

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.




"A funny thing happened on my way to the book store last Sunday. And it got me thinking. About manners. Simple courtesies. Basic etiquette. A code of conduct.

Do we even have a code of conduct? A sense of what is polite and what is outright rude? The definition of good behavior?

I encounter people who make me question my belief in good behavior while I’m out – walking on the street, buying groceries, standing in long queues, travelling in the bus, crossing a heavily congested road. People who are the connoisseurs of pushing and shoving others for no reason. I’m sorry. Is pushing and shoving or being mean to people an activity that requires a reason? I think not. These so-called ‘busy bodies’ have got all the world’s work and burdens loaded on their shoulders. Poor souls. They think that being impolite is justified and is a byproduct of their demanding and hectic lifestyle. They don’t wait to think that the person on the other side is, like them, a victim of challenging times. And just like that empathy goes down the drain.

But there she was! The one who would refute my crumbling belief in the existence good manners. All of 60, draped in a cotton sari, a tiny clutch (not the designer kind but the old school purses I saw my Mom carry ages ago) wedged beneath her arms, and she was making her way just like the rest of the harrowed people on the street. Our paths crossed carelessly. I was looking ahead towards the bookstore with pulsing excitement and she probably had pressing family concerns on her mind when it happened.

She stepped on my toe.

I winced and looked up.

Her reaction to the ‘incident’ shook me. From the inside. It astonished me.

She bent down and started touching my feet, not with reverence, but with sincere atonement. As if I were her child who came home one day hurt with a gash on my foot and it was her onus as a mother to heal it. To make it go away.

She looked up at me with earnest apology radiating from her eyes as she uttered those two words.

“Sorry dikra.”

Endearing. Appealing. Powerful.

I pulled myself out of the emotional limbo her actions had plunged me in. I realized that she was at my feet and immediately bent down wrapping my hands around her arms as I persuaded her to stand up. She did.

I said something about how it was alright and that she didn’t have to do that.

It doesn’t matter what I said.

It mattered what she did.

It resounded.

A buzzing sound reeled in my ears as she left, a smile lighting up her wrinkled countenance."

The above incident which I narrate is true and actually took place a few years ago. I still remember her whenever I come across people who are too ill-mannered to ever notice the other’s feelings or state of mind. There may be some for whom this isn’t a big deal.

‘You come across imbeciles like that every other day, so what?’

At the risk of sounding preachy I would say that it is this attitude that makes it ‘OKAY’ for others to be disrespectful towards us. Just because we’re strangers. Because we don’t know each other. Because it is a passing incident. Because we will forget about it the next day.

She didn’t know me either. I was no one to her particular. But she stopped in her tracks to apologize. Even though she was older than me, wiser than me, she knew better than to stoop down to a stranger’s feet.

It’s amazing how a few seconds can influence you in different ways.

It’s funny how strangers can compel you to think. 


 
Monday, 21 July 2014 0 comments

My Book Review - Gone Girl



Reader Beware: If you haven't read Gone Girl, there are spoilers ahead.
However, if you do decide to read it, do it anyway - I'm Team Freewill...  




"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned..."

It had been awhile since I had read a book so amazing that it stays with you. Good books never leave your side. The characters and their stories are forever etched and continuing in your head.

I stumbled on Gone Girl while perusing the internet. It got me interested when I read its summary. It got me even more interested when I read that it was to be made into a movie. And here I am writing why I loved Gone Girl by Gilliam Flynn.

Nick Dunne gets home one day to find his wife, Amy Dunne, missing. That day happens to be their five year wedding anniversary. After the usual drill, he finds that he is becoming a prime suspect in the investigation. The fact that he appears disinterested (and he is) only adds to this. And he also has a very young mistress. And the neighbors heard them fighting like cats and dogs the night before. And there is a very incriminating diary that belongs to his wife in which she has chronicled every little detail of their life together. Crucial details. Like when he shoved her. Or when he told her he didn't want kids. Or when he started becoming so cold and distant that she wanted to buy a gun for herself, just in case. Slowly, everyone around Nick start suspecting him, at one point, even his twin sister.

The book is broken down into three parts:

Boy Loses Girl: The reader starts getting accustomed to the life that was when Nick and Amy had just met, how they fell in love, got married, all hell broke loose, they drifted apart, started living like strangers, she went missing, police investigations taking place in full swing, Nick's affair being revealed, Nick is the bad guy (oh! I hate him).

Boy Finds Girl: Halfway through the book, and bam! I was in for a surprise when I found out that Amazing Amy wasn't really missing. She's alive and kicking and far away from Nick. The reader comes to know of the highly elaborate, intricate and full proof plan that Amy had set in motion a year ago as she set out seeking revenge on Nick for his infidelity. The ways in which she has covered her tracks, paying attention to the minutest of details is commendable and what makes her truly Amazing Amy. And it only helps that she reads a lot of true crime novels to hatch her plan. She is manipulative, cold, and methodical and that is what makes her dangerous. She keeps herself updated about her husband's miseries through the TV and/or internet. She anticipates everything that happens to Nick after her disappearance and even leads the cops to her carefully planted clues and evidence by giving tip calls every now and then. Everything goes as per her meticulous planning, until some things change her course of direction. All this as Nick tries to come to terms with the fact that he has been duped by his wife. And I mean royally duped. You almost feel sorry for the guy. Almost. Then Nick hires a smart lawyer and doles out a few smart tricks of his own by projecting himself as the lovesick puppy he is who screwed up and wants to make up for his mistakes. Sincere Nick. It hits bulls eye when Amy realizes she still loves him and needs to get back to her darling hubby.

Boy Gets Girl Back (or Vice Versa): These final chapters of the book is where the story takes a whole new turn because Amy coming back was definitely the last thing on the reader’s mind. We imagine her driving into the sunset leaving Nick to deal with the problems she cooked up but she comes back. Then begins an ultimate game of cat and mouse between husband and wifey. You know by now how the book might end but when you get to the last page, it still haunts you with a magnified effect.

The three things that I liked about Gone Girl:
  • Style of writing: It is sheer brilliance. This book is extremely witty. The way Gillian Flynn adds humor in the darkest of scenarios is just amazing. I found myself chuckling a lot of times as I devoured page after page. And the descriptiveness. I like it when a writer pays attention to every detail and incorporates it in the book in such a way that it doesn’t exhaust you. It gets you even more interested. Her observations of people, varying depending upon their age brackets, where they come from, their behavior, the nuances of marriage, the ups and downs of a relationship, how a once-in-love couple starts living like strangers – that is the most unsettling thing to me. That you could get so indifferent towards the one you love.

  • His and Hers: This is the first time I read a book where you get to know the point of views of both the central characters simultaneously. Yes, the chapters keep alternating. The writer once again has done such a great job with this feature which might have otherwise turned highly confusing for the reader. But that doesn’t happen. So we start developing a heart for both of them – the cheating husband as well as the calculating wife.

  • Character Sketches: Both the characters have been so perfectly etched that there are no loose ends or any loophole that the reader can point out. A topic as complex as this needs to be dealt with a lot of detailing and that is what the book narrates. From the always emasculated, not-so-perfect Nick Dunne to the cunning, psychotic Amy Dunne, they’re all very well planned, well understood, well written people. And the fact that they are both in more ways than one broken and twisted in their own light only emphasizes their fabulous character arcs.
I have a belief that the best and worst thing about a story that you read, see or hear is that it is happening somewhere in reality. If that is the case then I truly feel sorry for the Nick Dunnes of our world. Yes, the occasional feminist in me bobs her head up to give a thunderous applause to Amy Dunne, her spellbinding mind, her techniques, her mind games, her much validated revenge and her talent of fool proofing everything – thinking and planning about things to their last detail, but I do believe that no man, NOBODY deserves to live a life trapped and helpless.

For now, I wait for the movie version to hit the screens so that I can watch it!
Hope David Fincher does justice to this brilliant book! 

Image Courtesy: Google 

 
;