Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Farewell to Goodbye

Recently, I had to deal with a lot of goodbyes. A few of my family members had to go away on an unplanned and unexpected trip to meet a relative who was unwell. When they were leaving we were obviously all teary-eyed and were sad at this turn of events. The goodbyes were difficult and that got me thinking of all the goodbyes that were a part of my life. There are different kinds of goodbyes. And they arise due to different reasons too-distance, time, and death to name a few. Sometimes when you bid someone/something farewell, you are glad, relieved that you are past it.  Sometimes you say goodbye to someone you’ve met only for a minute or two, just an acquaintance, doesn’t hurt much. It hurts when you have to say goodbye to someone even though you don’t want to. They could be anyone, close friends, family, a lover, a husband, or someone special. In my case, one of the hardest goodbyes for me has been to some of my dearest friends. I had to move, unfortunately, and it was all so fast. In one day, everything changed. One morning I woke up happy and then the same evening I was crying my eyes out because I knew what I was leaving behind was something that could never be replaced. Such good, kind-hearted people whom I had in my life for a while as friends were irreplaceable. Today everyone has a motive, an agenda, or a need to fulfill if they have any sort of a relationship with you. To find someone who loves you and cares for you selflessly is almost impossible and if you do find them, letting them go is unimaginably excruciating. No matter where I went, what I did, that hole of pain and loneliness was always there in my heart. For a really long time I was depressed. It healed, though not completely, but it did.
Another form of goodbye and the one that hurts the most is when you don’t know that that is the last time that you are meeting someone; you don’t even get to say a proper goodbye. Someone that you’ve known for years, have grown up together, loved immensely, just gone out of your life in an instant. Relationship severed in just a matter of a few minutes. Unwittingly, a bond based on values of love, trust, care, and affection broken never to be mended again. What hurts more in this scenario is that you don’t remember what your last words to that person was. Was it something good or an angry rant? What if you had said something that you wish you could take back or something that they said that they sometimes maybe regret? When you think of such goodbyes, you feel really disheartened. If there was something that you wanted to say to them, something that you had kept in your heart for a long time, something that could’ve surely changed the equation you shared with them for good and things went haywire before you even had the chance to say those words. That is the most agonizing of all situations.


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